A new one for today

Now you're caught in between what you can't leave behind
And what you may, what we may never find.
So fly, so fly, one time.

Theme Song for Today

I didn't necessarily pick it, it just is.

Rue de Cascades

Why Dreamers Make Poor Partners

It was suggested to me tonight that my own 'what if's' will always be nearly irresistible to me, and consequently, that I will always resent those things which feel as though they bar me from pursuing exactly what I want, when I want. I think this is insightful and has quite a bit of truth to it.

It was also suggested to me, by someone else, that I am immature. I tend to agree, but I don't feel bad about it. In some ways, I strive to be immature; in fact, sometimes when people suggest 'growing up,' especially in that snarky tone often reserved for the admonition, it sounds to me like they're saying, 'Give up. Compromise who you are and what you're seeking and embrace folding.' I don't wanna.

Adam gets it.

Lifey

I am tired. Life is lifey. It is late; my husband is asleep in bed, and I am again sitting alone, perched on a stool wearing beautiful lingerie and watching YouTube videos of various music I have loved at one time or another, eating raisins. It's the middle of the night, and I think I probably ought to go to bed, but you know, these raisins aren't bad, and all the old Hotel Cafe videos are pretty rockin. (I'm onto Rachel Yamagata now...)

Oh, husband is awake. "Baby, can you please turn that down?!?" It is a reasonable request, I admit. There are a million things wrong with the scene I am currently sitting inside, the first of which is not the fact that I spent the first half of my life sure I hated raisins.

I really ought to go to bed. Oh, but first here is Ben Harper at The Hollywood Bowl.

Good god, I need to get a grip. YouTube, and moreover, music, will be here tomorrow, after I have gone to bed like a good person is supposed to.

I am confused. I have great compassion for those people who love me, or who have loved me, because I can only imagine what a confusing person I am to love.

I also have this inexplicable lump on the back of my head, and I wonder if I am dying. I mean, I know I am dying, because I'm alive right now, but I wonder if I will die sooner than I once thought.

Maybe. But meanwhile, tomorrow is Monday, and life awaits, and right now...it is time for bed. Still confused; confused, but...happy. Mostly confused about how I can possibly be happy when so many of the ingredients I've been told that coveted recipe requires are missing. Perhaps crazy sounding...but I reiterate, I am happy-ish. And that counts for something, eh?!?

G'night.

And one more treasure. Seriously, god how I want to be where this is.

A treasure.

I have a Dali tattoo on my wrist.

Tonight I told somebody I felt like I was in a surrealist painting. This is true, insomuch as I can imagine what such a thing would feel like. Sometimes I feel shockingly stationary in the midst of an overwhelming general buzz.

I wonder if I am the weirdest combination of soul and outward body out there. Maybe.