Work is profoundly boring.

I am not so good at being bored. In fact, I've realized, I'm terrible at it. I should correct that- actually, I apparently excel at feeling bored because the sensation of said sentiment exists almost constantly in my jumbly little brain. What I mean is, I do not enjoy the experience of boredom, and I am not good at accepting it.

This first dawned on me as I contemplated the sense of incompleteness I always have when I talk to someone I love on the telephone. Ninety nine point nine percent of the time, I find myself disappointed by my lack of exciting events to report. The last conversation I had where I felt I was sufficiently exciting was one in which I announced (a) that I had run 25 miles the previous day, (b) that I had bought plane tickets and planned a two-week trip to Vietnam and (c) that I had purchased a retooled retro bike, taken it out and nearly been hit by a car- I survived, but just barely! I dutifully made my announcements, and waited. For...? A big pat on the back, a "Wow, Kelsey, you are DOING THINGS! Good, good, good!"...I don't know, but it's sort of got me thinking about things. Most of the things I do, I do because I truly enjoy the experience of doing them (okay, save nearly being hit by a car while trying to ride a bicycle through Harlem), I think. But then there is this strange other desire, to DO things because I can, because I enjoy checking them off my list (literally...I have a peculiar habit of creating and maintaining multiple lists of the exciting things I should do.) Sometimes this is a good reason to do things. I fully believe we ought to do some things just because we can- it's a healthy reminder of who we are and the power we have to act and make things happen. But it is also important to remain the master of this insatiable desire for checking things off the list, and when it's an insatiable desire, it is, and you're no longer the master.

Something is lost when the greatest enjoyment comes from getting it done. I have never put a barefoot walk through summer-sun warmed grass on my to do list. Making ridiculous faces and finally getting the baby on the subway to laugh wasn't on the schedule, nor did dancing around my apartment with my cat while Kevin sang to us get penciled in. And yet, what would life be without these unplanned, unpursued, and by most standards, unexciting, moments of joy?

I remember being thrilled to hear someone use the adjective adventurous to describe me when I was a child, and now I wonder why I took it as such a high compliment. Somewhere very early on, I decided that this was the big idea, to fit in as many adventures as possible, to get out and find the wonders of the world, to defy expectations, to make the big things happen. And as I write this list, I must acknowledge that I still do think these are important things to do. There are times when life must be lived with these pursuits in mind. But, I am realizing now, there are times when it must not.

There are times when we must just sit back and see, stop chasing after everything and enjoy the wonder in what is already here. To senses that are really alive, this world will never be boring.